Apparently, Joe Pye is Secretly David E. Kelley

So… a compound word is only true if the individual parts happen to be true. Interesting. Why don’t you try that in a court of law. (Do courts of law exist out here? I kind of don’t think so.)

Anyhow, Joe Pye promises to teach Sturdy how to live by the Code o’ th’ Hills, which is probably futile. I bet that at one of the schools Sturdy didn’t graduate from, one of his majors was in the Code o’ th’ Hills. Probably Harvard. (They don’t like to brag, but they have the top Code o’ th’ Hills program in the country. Well, they do like to brag, but you get my point

In additional notes: Joe Pye’s cane is exactly the same width as Sturdy’s nose. That’s pretty sweet

Time Warp: Commence Wacky Scheme!

Time warp part 2: May 6

Finally, the Pye Boys are putting their scheme into action. Or at least, they’re putting a scheme into action. I don’t think this was their original scheme, but never let it be said that this family isn’t resourceful. (Some months ago, I believe this family was caught attempting to rob a liquor store… by tunneling underground from the basement of the house across the street.)

Anyhow, not a moment too soon, even though the lack of forethought may come back to hurt them. For example, where are they going to keep Sturdivant? They have no property to use as a home base, and I don’t think it really counts as kidnapping if they just hole up in a different room of the church. And how are they going to deliver their demands? They don’t have a cell phone or nothing, do they? Plus, how exactly are they going to get out of the church with Sturdy? Wouldn’t some of the other guests follow? I know that requires a bit of thinking, like “Hey! A guy’s getting kidnapped by people armed only with a cane in a rickety car from 1920 that only goes 14 miles per hour! Maybe we should give chase and rescue him!” So, sure, the average guest is going to be bored by the first apostrophe. But even if the average guest doesn’t think all the way through, at least one or two probably would.

Oh well. Should be fun to watch.

Time Warp: Shouldn’t Kidnapping Be a Bad Thing?

Finally working through my backlog. Just think of this as a time warp… to May 5.

Finally! Amanda has dumped Sturdivant, everyone’s favorite philandering somnambulist. Finally, sticking up for herself, showing that even a rural farm girl can channel the strength and the self-confidence to…

Aw, who am I kidding. Sturdy’s getting carried off by homeless hill folk!

Bonus points to Horatio Kleeb here: He’s finally bringing the kind of creativity to his villainy that we hoped he had in him but that we haven’t really seen. “My son? The one who’s being hauled off against his will by wedding-crashing thugs? It would appear that he is your problem now, little girl who he has been caught cheating on! I certainly hope that you’re willing to do something, because I’ve got a tennis game.”