That’s Really Cheap for Education These Days

So, one of the Pyes has sauntered back over to where the Kleebs are to demand money. It’s not entirely clear, but this suggests that everyone is still in the church, and perhaps in the same room. So it’s not really a kidnapping plot, despite the Pyes’ earlier protestations; it’s just a beating. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Mrs. Kleeb is really shocked by something, although I don’t think that she’d necessarily put it together that her son is being attacked from what she’s hearing. So either she’s shocked that someone would attempt to teach her son manners, or she’s shocked that she’s being spoken to by this unwashed hill person.

It’s hard to know exactly what Mr. Kleeb’s reaction is, since we only see him in profile; my reading of his body language in Panel 1 is “Oh, great, here we go again, why didn’t I find a blonde ‘actress’ to have an affair with while I still could have.” But upon hearing the cash demand in Panel 2, his chin grows, which probably means that he’s concerned, or at least, considering not rescuing his son.

Which is appalling behavior, given that he probably drops that much when he farts, but I suspect that the Kleebs are not the most generous people when it comes to sharing their assets with non-relatives.

The big surprise today is how much the Pyes are underselling themselves. $20,000 sounds like a lot to you and me, but the Kleebs gave Sturdy something like four businesses to run into the ground as a gift. Might as well ask for a couple hundred million. Then they could load up the truck and move to Beverly!

Speaking of the truck: Why don’t the Pyes just sell it if they need cash so bad? There’s a market for old-timey vehicles like that. I used to work for a guy who collected them, and he’d pay top dollar. (Much like the Kleebs, he was quite wealthy, and quite stupid. The company was really only in existence to provide him with attendees for his twice-a-year house parties, which were formal dress, mandatory for employees, and an opportunity for him to show off his antique cars and play with his train set for people who couldn’t leave. Strangely enough, he wasn’t even the reason I left that job after only nine months.)

Does It Come With A New Sweatshirt?

As fond as I’m rapidly becoming of the Pye boys, they don’t have much of a sense of focus. Today (well, yesterday; continuing work-antisanity meant I wasn’t in great condition to post then) the Pyes seem to abandon their get-rich-quick scheme in favor of some mindless violence.

I’m not judging, mind you. A good bout of violence (not to be confused with violins) against Sturdy is ephemerally far more satisfying than a wad of cash would be. Plus, given the less-than-thorough planning, probably more fiscally satisfying than whatever cash they might actually garner. (I find it unlikely that they’re actually going to get any ransom from the Sturdy’s loveless parents, but if they knock him around a bit, they could at least sell the movie rights for the violence-obsessed American market.)

Anyhow, Sturdy’s finally adding “School of Hard Knocks” to his list of matriculation-holes. Like all of the others, it’s unlikely he’s going to graduate, which is a shame, because I think all of the world would like to see him getting beaten up for the next four years. (Or more, given how many kids take an extra year or two to get through college these days. Plus, he’d probably switch his major around his junior year, when he realizes that face-slaps is a much softer option than gut-punches, so he’ll need to go back and take some additional Liberal Punching Bag Arts courses to meet all the prerequisites.) Still, it shouldn’t prevent him from adding a “Hard Knocks” sweatshirt to his wardrobe.

Finally, how great is it that Sturdy uses the word “rowdies.” And, moreover, uses it as a pejorative. Even though it’s not really accurate—violence isn’t quite the same as rowdiness—it’s still delightful. I’m willing to give him a couple extra credit points for that, raising his GPA to a solid 2.1, which should give him enough influence with Dean Foster to ask that mean ol’ dean to give a hard time to the Phi Delt house, even though they’re just trying to have a good time and they’re not doing anything wrong. That mean ol’ dean. Someday, we’re gonna get him what good.