Does It Come With A New Sweatshirt?

As fond as I’m rapidly becoming of the Pye boys, they don’t have much of a sense of focus. Today (well, yesterday; continuing work-antisanity meant I wasn’t in great condition to post then) the Pyes seem to abandon their get-rich-quick scheme in favor of some mindless violence.

I’m not judging, mind you. A good bout of violence (not to be confused with violins) against Sturdy is ephemerally far more satisfying than a wad of cash would be. Plus, given the less-than-thorough planning, probably more fiscally satisfying than whatever cash they might actually garner. (I find it unlikely that they’re actually going to get any ransom from the Sturdy’s loveless parents, but if they knock him around a bit, they could at least sell the movie rights for the violence-obsessed American market.)

Anyhow, Sturdy’s finally adding “School of Hard Knocks” to his list of matriculation-holes. Like all of the others, it’s unlikely he’s going to graduate, which is a shame, because I think all of the world would like to see him getting beaten up for the next four years. (Or more, given how many kids take an extra year or two to get through college these days. Plus, he’d probably switch his major around his junior year, when he realizes that face-slaps is a much softer option than gut-punches, so he’ll need to go back and take some additional Liberal Punching Bag Arts courses to meet all the prerequisites.) Still, it shouldn’t prevent him from adding a “Hard Knocks” sweatshirt to his wardrobe.

Finally, how great is it that Sturdy uses the word “rowdies.” And, moreover, uses it as a pejorative. Even though it’s not really accurate—violence isn’t quite the same as rowdiness—it’s still delightful. I’m willing to give him a couple extra credit points for that, raising his GPA to a solid 2.1, which should give him enough influence with Dean Foster to ask that mean ol’ dean to give a hard time to the Phi Delt house, even though they’re just trying to have a good time and they’re not doing anything wrong. That mean ol’ dean. Someday, we’re gonna get him what good.