Petroleum ‘Pothetical #8

Before the already-tardy Petroleum ‘Pothetical for this week, a much-overdue plug: I received several weeks ago an e-mail from one Bryce Baker announcing his new blog, the Daily Comics Review. It’s a Comics Curmudgeon-like site that I announce in the spirit of brotherhood and fraternity and all that. (Plus, everyone loves it when their Technorati Authority goes up. Mine just hit 10 and I’m on cloud 9. Which would have been more appropriate one link ago, but that’s just the way life is sometimes.)

Anyhow, onto last week’s winner, and I think it’s no surprise. Obviously, the winner is “Brent’s got it in one!” by Igopogo.

Okay, not really, since it didn’t actually answer the question. I just figured that Igopogo should get credit for spontaneously naming another the winner.

The actual winner will be “Rufus and Kitty will win. They’ll win by buying wagons full of the cat food - which of course Kitty won’t eat because she’s got good taste and it don’t taste good. Or they’ll win because they live in a junk yard and people in Gasoline Alley don’t do even the most basic recycling things like taking the labels off their cans.” Provided obviously, by the aforementioned Brent. Congratulations, Brent!

This week’s question: “How is Rufus going to get his labels to Chef Meowrice?” As you may remember, he’s under the gun for getting the labels there by the deadline of tomorrow. So what trick has he got up his sleeve? Answer in comments, and remember that I already suggested “pneumatic tube,” so if you use it, you will lose points for your lack of creativity.

Petroleum ‘Pothetical #7

It’s a very musical Petroleum ‘Pothetical day. And not just because I have a ticket to Avenue Q tonight.

Last week I asked: “What song were Amanda Lynn and Joseph duetting in their harmonica/mandolin jam session?”

And there are some fine responses; I encourage you to check them out here. But sadly, only one can take its place in the Box of Triumph, and that response is:

“A horrifying harmonica-mandolin arrangement of The Prodigy’s ‘Smack My Bitch Up.’ “

Congratulations to Paul1963. Enjoy your reign, which allows you to knight other commenters and require them to bow in your presence.

Of course, Petroleum ‘Potheticals march on perpetually, so this reign can only last a week, because there’s always a new ‘Pothetical right around the corner. So the new one? It’s a two-parter.

“Who’s going to win Chef Meowrice’s contest, and how will they achieve their victory?”

I want to know what the denizens of Gasoline Alley will do to be able to hawk cat food. And I think you all do too. So answer in comments and you may win.

Petroleum ‘Pothetical #6

Time to fill your victory-holes, fellow Americans! Last week I asked: “What are the Pye Boys going to do with Sturdivant?” who, at the time, had been kidnapped for a ransom that his parents weren’t willing to pay.

They seem to have taken cover for the time being, but that doesn’t stop me from suspecting that this week’s winner is correct: “The obvious thing would be ‘white slavery’ - imagine Sturdy beaten like a red headed step-child, hooked on heroin hustling on the streets of New York to pay for his next fix.”

Congratulations to Brent for his possibly Thoroughly Modern Millie-inspired answer.

But don’t dwell on it, because there’s a new question, and it’s a toughie. (Not much happened this week, so there’s not all that much to base a response on.) The question:

“What song were Amanda Lynn and Joseph duetting in their harmonica/mandolin jam session?”

Bonus points for using an actual song; however, equal bonus points for coming up with your own title. Appropriate or terrifying, I want to hear it. (ABBA’s “Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)” might qualify as both.)

As always, give your answer as a comment to this post to have a chance at Total Victory. (Ninja Warrior rocks!)

Petroleum ‘Pothetical #5

Last week I asked “What’s the mascot of the College o’ Hard Knocks?” From a mighty batch of submissions comes this week’s winner:

“The obvious answer? Jack Black”

True, so true, and congratulations to mikey for giving the obvious answer and seizing the Rectangle of Glory.

Now, time for a new Petroleum ‘Pothetical:

“What are the Pye Boys going to do with Sturdivant?”

As this plotline winds down, the Pye family has kidnapped Sturdivant Kleeb in hopes of collecting a major ransom. Unfortunately for Sturdy, his parents decided they’d rather have the money than their son (not an illogical decision, really), and the Wallet family isn’t showing any particular eagerness to rescue the boy who keeps snogging their daughters. So it seems that the Pyes are stuck with a somnambulist they never really wanted. Will this situation lead to a body in the ol’ ravine, or dressing him up in a frilly maid outfit and setting him to cleaning up the highway underpass, or what?

Provide your answer in the comments, and you may win next week.

Petroleum ‘Pothetical #4

Intros are passe. Last week’s Petroleum ‘Pothetical question was

“What would The Kleebs be willing to pay as ransom for their kidnapped son?”

Winners aren’t passe, however, and this week’s winner is:

“Like any good family of aristocrats, the Kleebs do not negotiate with terrorists, kidnappers, or poor people. “Faw-ther” Kleeb, being a sound if risky investor, copulated with with wife a second time, producing a backup heir. Younger, normal-chinned brother Fragilevant Kleeb arrives in time to steal back his brother, as well as Amanda’s heart.”

Congratulations to Dave, who takes his place in the Corner of Champions.

But now, as the world turns, we have this week’s question:

“What’s the mascot of the College of Hard Knocks?”

Submit your answer as a comment to this post, and you just may be next week’s winner!

Time Warp: Commence Wacky Scheme!

Time warp part 2: May 6

Finally, the Pye Boys are putting their scheme into action. Or at least, they’re putting a scheme into action. I don’t think this was their original scheme, but never let it be said that this family isn’t resourceful. (Some months ago, I believe this family was caught attempting to rob a liquor store… by tunneling underground from the basement of the house across the street.)

Anyhow, not a moment too soon, even though the lack of forethought may come back to hurt them. For example, where are they going to keep Sturdivant? They have no property to use as a home base, and I don’t think it really counts as kidnapping if they just hole up in a different room of the church. And how are they going to deliver their demands? They don’t have a cell phone or nothing, do they? Plus, how exactly are they going to get out of the church with Sturdy? Wouldn’t some of the other guests follow? I know that requires a bit of thinking, like “Hey! A guy’s getting kidnapped by people armed only with a cane in a rickety car from 1920 that only goes 14 miles per hour! Maybe we should give chase and rescue him!” So, sure, the average guest is going to be bored by the first apostrophe. But even if the average guest doesn’t think all the way through, at least one or two probably would.

Oh well. Should be fun to watch.

Petroleum ‘Pothetical #3

I doubt I’ll get commentary on yesterday’s or today’s strips done today, but I can at least not get any further behind by announcing last week’s Petroleum ‘Pothetical winner, and the new question for this week.

Last week asked “What else is in the code of the hills?”, that oft-cited guidebook to life that only the Pyes seem to own. And up from the soup of hilarity in which you answered that question comes the delicious Oyster Cracker of Victory:

1. Thou shalt not serve lemon wedges in moonshine.
2. Thou shalt not serve maraschino cherries in moonshine.
3. Thou shalt not serve green olives or celery sticks in moonshine. Produce in general upsets the balance of fine moonshine.
4. Kissing cousins is okay.
5. Kissing sisters is okay.
6. Kissing any relative or future relative is okay, as long as it’s not within a two-week window of your wedding day.
7. Never cut the funnies out of the paper until your relatives are done sleeping under them.
8. Underwear is no longer considered “clean” after the third consecutive day of wearing it.

Congratulations to Gold-Digging Nanny, whose thoroughness proved to be the deciding factor in this week’s triumph.

And, in an attempt to share some reflected glory (gold is shiny!), here’s this week’s question:

“What would The Kleebs be willing to pay as ransom for their kidnapped son?”

I’m working a bit ahead here; today’s strip reveals the beginning of a Wacky Kidnapping Plot. So, tell me: What do you think is the absolute maximum that the Kleebs would be willing to pay? Submit your answer as a comment to this post, and my favorite will receive $8 million worth of glory (actual value $0).

Petroleum ‘Pothetical #2

Last week’s Petroleum ‘Pothetical asked “What’s in the paper?” As you may remember, the Pye Boys had just seen something shocking in the newspaper taht they were using as sheets to keep themselves warm as they slept under a bridge.

I’d like to commend readers Ipogogo, St. Bacchus, and rabrab for getting it dead-on correct: as Scancarelli revealed on Monday, what was in the paper was the Wallet/Kleeb wedding announcement, and the Pye Boys are Amanda Lynn’s birth family.

Petroleum ‘Potheticals, however, is a competition to suggest an answer that is the winner, rather than correct. So basically, you gotta delight me. So without further ado, today’s winner is:

“They’ve finally succumbed to good taste and stopped printing Gasoline Alley!”

Congratulations to reader Wallsy, who successfully realized that I am something of a connoisseur of mean humor. Enjoy your place of honor in the top-right of this page.

And now, this week’s question:

What else is in the Code of the Hills?

Yesterday we learned that Sturdy’s philandering violates the Code of the Hills, no doubt a set of rules that tell you what’s proper behavior if you’re a hillbilly who lives under a bridge. So what are some of the other rules in this Code of the Hills? Submit your answer as a comment to this post, and my favorite will replace Wallsy next week in the Position of Honor.

Introducing: Petroleum ‘Potheticals

Yep, it’s Big Announcement time. And hey, I think I’ve successfully overhyped this relative to what it actually is.

Today, I’m introducing a new feature here at Going Antisane: Petroleum ‘Potheticals. Here’s how it works:

Every Sunday, I’ll pose a hypothetical question based on the week’s strips. Then… you provide an answer. It can be funny, it can be a genuine prognostication, it can be something you want to see even though you know you never will… anything.

It’s also a sort of a contest as well: Every week, I’ll pick my favorite response and give it a place of honor on the top right of this blog. So you don’t actually win anything, except for a very small quantity of something resembling glory.

But that small quantity of something resembling glory–you can spend that on Sno Cones and cheese. See, I’m a giver! And with Petroleum ‘Potheticals, I’m giving you… well… the opportunity to give your wit and wisdom to this blog. So I guess, really, I’m taking more than giving.

Oh well, I hope it will be fun.

This week’s Petroleum ‘Pothetical question:

“What’s in the paper?”

On Saturday, a family of homeless people living under a bridge found something interesting in the newspaper that they were using as sheets. Gruff Homeless Father implied that it was a bug that needs to be squashed, but I think we can do better than that. So, folks, what do you think is in the newspaper? What do you want it to be? (Even if what’s in the paper is revealed tomorrow morning: this is all hypothetical, so tell me what it should be.)

Submit your answers as comments to this post. I’ll try to catch if any slip into other posts, but no guarantees.

Enjoy!